Worthy Now: Receiving Love in Complicated Times
“Worthy now. Not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”
In case you need to hear it today, you are worthy now. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of belonging. You do not have to do anything. Just as you are, every bit of you, is worthy of love.
Receiving love with open arms can be one of the most difficult things that we do. Often, we feel more comfortable giving love, or seeing the worthiness in those around us. We may struggle to see it in ourselves. We feel like we have to perform more, do more, change something about ourselves to fit a standard.
The irony here, is when we feel this way, we are often blocking the love that is coming our way. Our partners, our family or friends, may be trying to give us love, and we can’t see it because we feel unworthy.
Have you ever received a compliment from a loved one or your partner and then immediately dismissed what they say? An example, your partner says, “You are amazing and beautiful! ” or “I’m so proud of you.” And you reply, “Oh, I don’t like my hair” or “I feel like I’m doing a bad job at everything.” While what you are feeling may be true, by negating what our partner is trying to give us, we are shutting both of our energy down. They may feel that we are pushing away their efforts, and we are reinforcing to ourselves that we are not worthy of receiving their affection and praise.
SO, HOW DO WE RECEIVE LOVE?
Accepting that we are worthy of love just as we are takes practice. Remnants of negative messaging we receive in life can haunt us and wear on our image of self, causing us to stop believing we are worthy. BUT, we also cary remnants of positive experiences. As Harville Hendrix says in the book Receiving Love, “These old ghosts are remnants from both positive and negative experiences—times you were truly loved and times you were hurt, times you were empathically understood and times you were grossly misjudged. All have left their mark.”
It becomes a matter of practice. We must allow our brains to remember the positive marks, to reinforce when things are going right, and when loved ones are bestowing their affection upon us. Take a moment to pause, and listen to the positive, loving messages that your partner or loved one is giving you, rather than quickly shutting it down. While you may be feeling the opposite, taking that pause to let your brain absorb what it is hearing is a big first step.
OVERCOMING NEGATIVE MESSAGING
One thing to try, when you notice negative self talk, is to repeat a mantra to yourself to help shift your brain to a more positive state. You could try something like,
“I am worthy of love, just as I am.”
“I am open to receiving love”.
“I am only receiving love.”
Feel free to adjust the words to what feels right for you, just make sure they are a positive message to yourself.
If you find that the negative messaging is coming from a source outside of you, it is time to practice boundary setting in those places. This source may be people in your life, or from outside sources like social media and the news.
If the source is technology or media materials you are reading or watching, set a boundary on when and where you will look at this messaging. Decide how often you will consume the content and try reducing exposure where and when you can. It is important to stay informed about current events, but it is also vital that you are in a place to take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Another idea to try, is before you decide to read the news, or go on social media, or if you need to be around a person that is not supportive, prepare your brain with that positive mantra "I am worthy of love, just as I am." “I am only accepting love in this space. Negative messages will not be internalized.” Or the good ole fashioned play school rhyme, “I’m rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you,” can really put your brain at ease, and make you laugh! This is also a good reminder that the person giving the negativity, is most likely working through some things on their side. You want to make sure to only use this one when encountering negative messages. We want us all to be glue for the love messages coming our way! Choose something that resonates for you, and it can definitely be funny! Humor is one of the best tools to flip a negative message to a positive.
In times of big transition and uncertainty, it is important to remember that our brains can default to noticing the bad / danger over the good in our lives. We can start to retrain our brains by increasing our conscious awareness of what is going right. But it takes practice! So be on the lookout for what is going right. Look for the people in your life that you feel calm and secure with. Look for the growth opportunities. Look for the silly moments all around you. Look for the love you are giving, and especially the love you are receiving.
And then practice accepting it.
You are worthy of love, just as you are, right now.
